October Already

Monday morning, day 1 of 2 for the Wonderful Agency spot we're shooting for Teleflora. It's a pretty cool feeling arriving on set and not being an on-set production assistant but being on the agency side. It was about two years ago, this time, that I walked onto my first set ever and experienced the world of production. I slept at midnight last night, woke up at 4:30 this morning to get some early edits and work in before I headed out to set.

I've been looking for breaks. A moment to pause and escape from all the craziness of work and stress. I realized this weekend that break might not be coming, that vacation is a luxury that I won't be able to afford until I properly pay my dues. I was hoping things would wind down, but I find that life is handing me a bit of the opposite.

Again, this year was tough. But I survived. And there's a sobering sense of reality that brought me back to center as I come to see that this next chapter will probably push me even further. A sobering sense as I come to understand that these next few months and years may define much of my life. I'm discovering that the anxiety that I deal with increasingly replaced with something familiarly unfamiliar. It's not anger, but a furiousness, a drive that's almost laser-like and heartless. 

Yet... It's October already. Set life is always crazy. But this is the my pause for the day and for the week as I prep to fly out to New York, finish my 4th episode edits, and posture myself in gratitude, take a deep breath, and run the next lap. I emailed my producer today. I forgot that my show premieres this week.  

What a journey. Lots of emotions. But no time for emotions, only time to finish well and to finish strong.Go for a walk, take a breath, say my prayer, wipe my eyes. I got off the phone with mom and dad last night. They're proud. 

I am too.